me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize