dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize