She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
