If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
