i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
