don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
