It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
