You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
