Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
