i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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