i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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