So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
