If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
