She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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