3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize