the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
