you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
