he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
