D3 body, D1 cock
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
