Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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