the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
