I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
