like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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