I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
