Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
dude. I can hear the air.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
