did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Pants are for mortals
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
