She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
