like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
