i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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