somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize