I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
