that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
