ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
a search helicopter?!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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