Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
