PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize