the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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