Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
