I accidentally burped into my bong.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
