Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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