census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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