I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
