went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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