I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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