i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
