I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
