we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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