True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
