We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
