The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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