pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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