He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
