She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
