I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
