Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
