I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
