He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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