Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
