I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
