i jhust puked up my retainher.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
