dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
