hell yes lets make some ravioli
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize