question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
50% drunk capacity currently
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
