Me. At least after what I've been through.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
