4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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