Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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