We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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