Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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