what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
