I hate all girls vehemently.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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