got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
