ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
