apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
