i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize