He felt like a one man threesome
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
