she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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