Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
