i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
