put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
