I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
