9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
