You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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