my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
