hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
