In the future we'll all be gay
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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