You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
