Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
