How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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