shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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