obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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