Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
