At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
whose parrot is this?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
