Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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