you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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