Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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