He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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