When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
