bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
