Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
