I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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