Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize